Stars

As I held your tiny body up against the rush of the shower to release the sparkles of soap from your fine baby hair all I could think is that I have continued down the path. 35, mother of two, now single, still lost. Your smile and your embrace reminds me that I need to keep going. I promised you a family as soon as you emerged from my womb. I promised you peace. I promised you more than I had. I can't promise you everything. Hearing your screams tonight as you just wanted that stupid toy that I could not afford. There is so much you two will want for, I can't promise you that. I can't promise you all the things I thought I would be able to. I can promise I will love you. I will listen. I will guide you down this fucked thing we call life. Mommy is not ok and I want you to know that is ok to not be ok. It is ok to struggle and it is ok to not know what tomorrow will bring. These are the moments we find ourselves as cliché  as that is. I wanted more for you, but? Really, why? Who has that life...?

As the glow of the lightening bugs swirl I hold on to the moment. We will never be who we are before it is too late realize that we were the person we wanted be. It is banal to think you are special, but is truth to think you make meaning in your own life. That is what I am doing. Finding my way finding peace in my, not just mine, but our existence.

I am holding on and letting go. Finding solitude in the silence and peace within the chaos. Listening to those words unspoken.

I wrote a poem when I 11. Not really knowing the meaning. I even had it published.

As I see me standing, I think of the day all of this will go away...
Day after day I stand and think,
Soon it all changes,
I am lost,
I don't know where I am.

No, I was not some great poet at 11, but it does hold meaning to me now. It was and always will be about being in the moment. I could live in the, 'what ifs?' and even dwell in the past. Once again cliche, but fuck it...it is in the now that matters.

So to you my daughters....
You might be angry, sad, scared, and confused. Mommy and Daddy are no more as husband and wife, but we are still here. Change. We grow. Not always in ways in-which we wished for or longed for. To think of the future is to forget about what you have.

To quote one of my favorites:

“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.” 
― Anais Nin

We are made up of so much more than you and and even I know. I will be there for you both until you let me go and grow. I will be your foundation even if it becomes a little unstable at times, because we all become jello. You both are my loves forever. 

Forever we are stars. 

Love. Mom

Final Blog!!

In Megan Webb's blog she states a lot of facts about what is going on with Texas Public Education. How Perry denied to participate in a federal program that could have brought money into Texas' Schools. How standardized tests are detracting from an actual education. All in all she highlighted some strong points about why and how Texas' Schools are failing and are ranked at the bottom when compared to other schools in the nation.

We know this but how are we going to fix it? That is the one thing she does leave out. You can point out what is going wrong, but I believe that you must also point out what can be done to improve the situation.

First of all it seems that a lot of people including Rick Perry would much rather let the private sector take over education. Corporations like IDEA Charter school, a school that is trying to come to the East side of Austin. It might be my paranoid mind but in a lot of ways when you start to see dollar signs on our children's foreheads this is a problem. It makes me think that people like Perry and other politicians would like to get rid of the entire 'money drain' that is public education and sell it off to the highest bidder. We can not let this happened.

We need to make politicians understand that education is important and more important we need them to let schools do their jobs and not scare them with standardized tests or the possibility of being closed down and replaced if they fail. If they are worried about money we can start implementing a more fair tax rate and maybe even start a state income tax, which yes you would have to amend the Texas constitution, but Texas is used to that right? Being that Texas has one of the highest amended constitutions what is stopping us? Is it that the more well off are scared they might have to forgo on of the many luxuries they currently posses to make our state a little better and our children more educated?

We need a reboot! I say this all the time. We need new people in our government. People who are actually connected with the working class, people who have not been corrupted. We need a big change soon otherwise it will start with the children losing their ability to access a decent education.

Take our LABOR BACK!

We have an ever widening gap between the rich and poor in this state and in this country. Jobs are disappearing because major corporations are trying their hardest to make more of a profit by sending jobs to other countries where they can get away with paying workers the least amount of money. Jobs are also changing and becoming more and more technical as our technology improves. Minimum wage stays the same for the jobs that are left and it is far from a living wage.

Currently minimum wage in Texas is $7.25 an hour. If you work a 40 hour a week job that is $290 a week before taxes. Poverty level for a family of four in the state of Texas is a household that makes less than $20,000 a year. Let us do some math to see how this works out...

There are 52 weeks in a year, 52 times $290 equals $15,080. Now, lets double that and go off of a two person income and that comes to $30,160. This is before taxes, this is before anything that could come up as it will in a family. One of the parents has to stay home part time because they cannot afford childcare. So that cuts the $15,080 in half and now brings the total to $7,540 lets add those together once again. 15,080 plus 7,540 equals $22,620. Hey look they are still just above the poverty level right? They will be fine! Ohh crap the game of life continues as the dice rolls again and it appears little Susan has a tummy ache!! Ohh no!! But, wait doesn't your job have health insurance? Nope....Now one of the parents must stay home with Susan while the other tries to work more hours to try and pay for medical bills that keep piling up. Anyway, I think you get the idea. I could go on about all the various possibilities that could occur in our fictional family, but they are endless! Needless to say the current minimum wage is a joke and the poverty level should be a little higher than 20,000 for a family of four.

When our government sets these minimum wages do you think they consider life as a factor? Or do they just look at the numbers? My guess is it is a lot of numbers and most of the people who make these choices probably make $20,000 in a month and are so removed from this world of minimum wage they have no idea how hard it is survive on so little.

My solution to this problem. Screw them! Let us take back our labor! But, how do we do that? We have to come together as a community. “Like talk to people and stuff? But I am watching American Idol!” We have to get out of hum drum lives and start to make real change and the first step is to support local businesses, small businesses that actually do have the community in mind. After that we can really start to take back our labor. Start a coop! All it takes is a group of dedicated people to come together with like ideals and commit to it!

There are a few already in Austin! There are many different coop models to choose from!

Check out these:

http://www.austincooperatives.coop/

You might be asking but how will this make me rich? Well, it never will but it will make your life easier and you will be making a living wage. Coops are run by the employees that work there. They vote, come to consensus on the wage they will all make, usually a living wage, which in most, if not all, cases are way above the current minimum wage. Coops can function for profit but that profit is then divided up however the workers see fit, shared among the workers, sometimes it is put back into the business. It is a process that we have lost. Workers working for themselves? Weird concept right?

Taking back our labor from major corporations is just one of many ways we an start to improve our lives and we can do it for ourselves and not have to wait for big corporations, who do not really care about us, to come along and offer us that magical job that will make all of our money problems disappear. We can make these jobs ourselves and by doing this we can start to provide for our own communities and stop worrying about being laid off.

Reponse to "Move Over Texas"

In "Move Over Texas" Alan Banda talks about our Governor Rick Perry and his failed attempt at running for President. I agree that there needs to be a better system in place for when this occurs. A sort of campaign sabbatical where the Lt. Governor can take charge in the absence of the actual governor, which is supposed to happen when there is an emergency, impeachment, or what have you. Also, the actual governor will not still take in money from a job he is not doing. A stepping down process when the decision to run for another office is made. It actually surprises me that there is not something like this already in place.

I do not agree that had he gone further into the race for president this would not be such a big deal. I think it would have been a bigger deal, Rick Perry would have spent more time away from Texas and more time not doing what governors do and all of his time and energy would have been focused on his fight to be president. I am very grateful that he is no longer in the running and I hope he does not get re-elected here in Texas.

As for having a bunch of white privileged guys in office, that sounds about right, and it pisses me off too. If it was not so expensive to campaign or if they were paid better once they came into office I think we would see more diversity, also if we get the marginalized communities out to the polls to actually vote we would start to see a change. Voting has to matter to the people before we can start seeing a change and the system needs a lot of work and the right people to do it, it is a cycle that needs to start. But who are those people? Too bad we can not just hit the refresh button and have a whole fresh start!

You hear a lot of people complain about change. We need it, I agree. But, there are far too few people who actually step up to the challenge and take on people like Rick Perry and The State of Texas. My suggestion for getting Rick Perry and his cronies out of our government is to go and vote, talk about how you are going to vote, tell everyone how cool it is, and if we continue this trend and get people to the polls, maybe in a few years our voices will start to make an impact. Unfortunately, Rick Perry will have left his mark pretty damn deep in our system and it will be hard to try and fix a system that is working pretty well for the elite and privileged like him and others.

I still have a hard time telling people that their voices will matter at the polls but sometimes you have to work with the system you are fighting against. I look at it like I am a covert spy from the other side learning how the system works so eventually me and others like me will be able to start making a difference and helping those who have been oppressed by big politicians. 

A cheesy quote from SLC Punks: "We can do a hell of a lot more damage in the system than outside of it." 

It is Time for Those Who Lead to Give a S***

Give the power back to the people by empowering the people.

With voter turn out for city elections being around 7.4% it is disconcerting to say the least. But, why is that? Why do people not care about what will eventually affect them? What can city officials do to get people involved and do they really want the masses to be involved? Are we down the road from a world like “Idiocracy”?

City Council meetings are open to the public. You can attend these meetings and get on stack to speak about various topics on Thursdays, starting at 10am. But, how many people know that and/or how many people would be willing to sit through a meeting that can go on and on, filled with terminology that is confusing to even the well educated among us?

Have the people who are supposed to represent us become so inaccessible that it has made the average citizen apathetic and willing to be lead blindly because they feel they have no real choice, or for that matter a voice? I think so. If you walk down the street and stop ten people here in Austin, I have actually done this, and ask them who are the top three mayoral candidates for the upcoming election, I bet the majority of them would not even be able to tell you who the current mayor is. It is Lee Leffingwell by the way. I would not even bother asking them if they knew who sits on City Council. These people who hold these positions are going to directly affect the lives of those living in Austin. They make decisions like plastic bag use, where a Wal-mart can be placed, noise ordinances, smoking ordinances, raising energy cost, with all the hidden fees, all the 'little' things we love to bitch about but have no idea who came up with it in the first place. Is it our own fault? Whose fault is it?

I believe that people, if given the chance and the education, would answer the call and become involved. But how? It would be a monumental challenge and it would take some people like the Mayor and those sitting on City Council to get off their butts and actually start to engage the communities and hold accessible city council meetings, and for lack of better terms, the meetings will need to be jazzed up and dumbed down a little but still cover the important facts. They will need to step out of City Hall and into the communities not just during elections! They will need to have teams to go door to door, inviting residents out of their homes to engage in an open dialogue about things that will affect them. I know this is pretty optimistic, but with even a small step in this direction we might see an increase in voter turnout. It is all about giving the power back to the people and waking them up and letting them know that their voice does matter they just need to start shouting louder and they need a place to do it.

Every time I go to City Hall I laugh a little, mainly because the statue itself is a little odd looking but also I laugh because of what it is suppose to represent. I will post it below. It is supposed to symbolize having a voice, but there are some out there who do not know they have a voice and do not know there is a place for them to share it.

 I believe that if our elected officials start to ACTUALLY engage their constituents and become part of the community they represent, then and only then will people start to care. I believe it is their duty to at least try and get people involved. They have a duty to educate and represent even the most under educated and poorest am
ong us. They need to take care of the weakest members and we will all become stronger. Lead people to education and give them the ability to make a change in their own community and we will grow and we might even become less distrustful of those who rule. Until people start to feel like they can actually make a difference we will continue to see low voter turn out. It is partly the individual's fault but it is also those who lead us.

PS Just in case you want to get involved or write letters these are the people who sit on Austin City Council:
Mayor Lee Leffingwell

Mayor Pro Tem Sheryl Cole

Chris Riley Place 1

Mike Martinez Place 2

Kathie Tovo Place 3

Laura Morrison Place 4

Bill Spelman Place 5

All of these people are up for re-election May 12! For once I will actually be voting. My faith in the system is still not there, but I might as well try.

Check out this guy who is running for Mayor! He looks a little young, but I think this is what we need! He is also going to propose holding city council meetings on the weekends and monthly meetings for citizens to voice their concerns!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1C--dFtYFcU&feature=relmfu

War on Women

I first wanted to write a blog about a blog that I agree with. I found that a little too easy. I have decided to delve into seeing how the other half thinks and I stumbled on this guy who writes a blog named “Urban Ground.” I will try and keep my opinion to myself and just focus on this particular post and the arguments he makes and try to see if he backs it up with any evidence what-so-ever.

About the Author, I think he says it best.

“I’m a conservative, a biker, a Veteran, a professional writer, and a blogging enthusiast in the heart of uber-Liberal Austin, TX.

I’m an opinionated sonofabitch. I’m hardly ever politically correct — I won’t accept race, gender, age, religion, or political ideology as an excuse for stupidity, and I’ll call bullshit every time I see it.”
His intended audience is not people like me that is for sure. From the looks of it he is writing for others who share his beliefs. As a writer he really needs to learn to form better arguments with supporting evidence not just, “What I say is right and that is the way it is, America FUCK YEAH!” he sounds like most white privileged males I love to hate because of their ignorance of how the rest of the world lives, feels, and acts. He seems like someone who totally believes in the whole “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps” and "Work harder to obtain the American Dream!.”

What I have to say to him:

In his post titled “A Final Word onSandra Fluke (for now)” he talks about what he calls the supposed “War on Womyn,” in a mocking tone, not a war at all. He quotes some one named Laura who has summed up his argument for him as to why contraceptives should not be paid for using tax dollars. The first argument is, “Contraception…is a luxury item, like deodorant or marijuana. You do not actually need it to live. It does not facilitate your fundamental survival, except perhaps in very very rare cases. There are other people who lack actual necessities in this world, and the importance of their needs transcends your childish want for “free” coochiepills rather profoundly.” Although, in some cases it could be looked at as a “luxury item” I find this argument absurd. I can give an  example with evidence, which he is lacking, as to  why contraception is a need not a luxury item. There are many woman who suffer from diseases that affect their their menstruation cycle and the only way to regulate that safely is by prescribing contraception, such as, birthcontrol. Here are some statistics to support my argument against his argument, I see that he does not have the evidence to back up his claim.

“Percentage of American women taking birth control pills who use them, in part, for purposes other than pregnancy prevention, including reducing cramps or menstrual pain, regulating their periods, reducing acne and treating endometriosis. About 14% of pill users — or 1.5 million women — rely on the medication exclusively for non-contraceptive purposes. Among teens, the proportion is higher: girls aged 15 to 19 who use the pill are more likely to do so for non-contraceptive purposes (82%) than for birth control (67%), and 33% of teen pill users report using birth control pills solely for reasons other than contraception.” [via Guttmacher Institute]

That does not seem like a small number to me or how they put it “rare cases.” This is anything but rare. Also, another thing about their first argument is they say there are other “necessities in this world” you can not just say that without explaining what those are. I might think that chocolate cake on Friday is a necessity but that does not make it right or more important than the health of women around the country.

Now, on to the second argument they are making, “Contraception…is f*cking cheap. The Hell is wrong with you? Are you telling us that women are goddamn helpless infants, and should be proud of it?"

Ok, there is so much wrong with this statement. What the Hell is wrong with you and YOUR bullshit argument? Contraception is not cheap. Here are some prices per month a woman has to spend: Yasmin, one of the cheapest contraception pills on the market will run you around $80 for a months supply. This is not cheap. How many people are jobless in the US right now? Using the argument “It is cheap” can hold no ground. What might be cheap to you might be unattainable to me and could be the choice between eating or collapsing in pain and being bedridden once a month, like so many woman I know who suffer from these “rare” conditions that birthcontrol treats.

Argument three, “Contraception…is not free just because someone else- someone better at taking care of themselves and others than you are, you selfish twit- paid for it.” This one actually just seems like an insult to those of us who can not find a job or are students who support ourselves living paycheck to paycheck. The well-off and privileged need to check themselves mainly because those who make more actually pay less taxes. So, it appears the poor actually pay for their own “free” birthcontrol.This is another example of the "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps" logic that is plaguing America, turning it and its citizens into intolerant assholes who only look out for themselves and their bank accounts.

As for the the last little statement, “Helpful idiots from the left will lead us all into slavery” Once again I am a little confused. What does any of this have to do with slavery or leading us to that? Hmmm...

Now, at the end of the blog there is a video of Romney dealing with a heckler saying “You know what would make me happy free birthcontrol” Romney replies with “Vote for the other guy, that is not what I am about.” The video ends with Romney talking about how much the US has borrowed and how candidates offer free to stuff to get the vote but he says he is not going to do that. I just have one thing to say to that, cool Romney if you do not want to offer free stuff and stop the US from going further into debt, what do you think about the war? How about taxing the rich?

I know this particular blog post is not directly related to Texas but in a way it is. Currently, we have a governor named Rick Perry who thinks that stopping funding to Planned Parenthood is a good idea. This has caused Texas to lose its funding from the federal medicaid program. There is a war on women right now and it is coming from the right. This blog is just one example of its effects. 

This is for good old Rick Perry: 

  

Water, who owns it?

       Texas is running out of water and what can we do about it? This has been a reoccurring theme for some time now as cities in Texas have to ship water in because all of their resources have dried up. Our lakes, creeks, streams, rivers, and swamps are all owned and regulated by the state. But, what about our groundwater? Just because you own the property above the water, do you also own the water below? According to this Austin AmericanStatesman editorial the Texas Supreme Court has ruled in favor of landowners, deciding that they do own it and can do whatever they want with it. 

      The author, (who is unknown, or at least I can not find the name) speculates that this will only cause future litigation on this matter because, as water regulations become stricter, would those regulations be enforced on the property owner? Would it give cause for said property owners to sue because they feel that their property was stolen when a regulator issues a permit?  Would we, the users of the water, have to pay the landowner? These speculations and questions are indeed justified because we have not dealt with the matter yet and are just now asking who owns the water? The Author concludes that this will make the job of the regulators harder because the fear of being sued will keep them from trying to come up with future regulations for groundwater. Millions of people rely on groundwater, how will this affect them? This ruling by the supreme court opens the door for many more questions. I am inclined to agree with the author that groundwater should be regulated like all other water, not owned like oil or gas. I believe that natural resources should be part of the commons, we should all have a stake in them. They are what give us life and without them we will die. No one person should own all the water. This decision to give landowners ownership of the water is making way for that. Could you imagine having to pay five dollars every time you wanted a glass of water? Now that technology has improved, as this editorial points out, we know more about the 'magical' groundwater that gushes up in wells, at least for now until it is gone. It is time for the Legislators to get off their butts and do what is right and start to treat groundwater like other sources before it is gone. The author is trying to engage the reader in this matter pointing out how it will not only affect landowners, it will have a widespread effect on everyone who relies on groundwater.

One fish, two fish, no water no fish.